But that's always the way; it don't make no difference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no sense, and just goes for him anyway. If I had a yaller dog that didn't know no more than a person's conscience does I would pison him. It takes up more room than all the rest of a person's insides, and yet ain't no good, nohow.

If all men were rich, all men would be poor.

We were surprised how closely the cuckoo imitated the clock-and yet, of course, it could never have heard a clock.

A country without a patent office and good patent laws is just a crab, and can't travel any way but sideways and backways.

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.

English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.

Customs do not concern themselves with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed; one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.