There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship.

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

It was the most earnest ambition I ever had....Not that I ever really wanted to be a preacher, but because it never occurred to me that a preacher could be damned. It looked like a safe job.

The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.