Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired.

It takes a heap of sense to write good nonsense

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.

There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it.

...many foolish persons, wanderers from other parts, have the vain fashion of graving their names and the obscure places whence they come, upon its stones, which is silly and marketh the doer for a fool.

Sometimes my feelings are so hot that I have to take the pen and put them out on paper to keep them from setting me afire inside; then all that ink and labor are wasted because I can't print the results