...many foolish persons, wanderers from other parts, have the vain fashion of graving their names and the obscure places whence they come, upon its stones, which is silly and marketh the doer for a fool.

Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public.

The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.

One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. From the code of morals I have been following and revising and revising for 72 years I remember one detail. All my life I have been honest - comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly - I could only lend it.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

If it would not look too much like showing off, I would tell the reader where New Zealand is.

There isn't a Parallel of Latitude but thinks it would have been the Equator if it had had its rights.