No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.

You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.

The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.

It's easy to endure adversity -- if it happens to someone else.

A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.