It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.

I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.

Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality

Kindness is a language herd by deaf men and felt by blind men.