It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.

Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.

Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?

Put no trust in the benefits to accrue from early rising, as set forth by the infatuated Franklin.