A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

It now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one...the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.

You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away) hundreds and hundreds of religions; today he has hundreds and hundreds of religions, and launches not fewer than three new ones every year. I could enlarge on that number and still be within the facts.

George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.