If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning!

In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere; they date from it.

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.

...the administration of the law can never go lax where every individual sees to it that it grows not lax in his own case, or in cases which fall under his eyes.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

I am not an economist. I am an honest man!

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.