If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning!

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs.

Human pride is not worthwhile; there is always something lying in wait to take the wind out of it.

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

Some of the worst things in my life never even happened.

Whatever thing men call great, look for it in Joan of Arc, and there you will find it.