You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away) hundreds and hundreds of religions; today he has hundreds and hundreds of religions, and launches not fewer than three new ones every year. I could enlarge on that number and still be within the facts.

Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.

School gets in the way of my learning.

Not all the Greek runners in the original Olympics were totally naked. Some wore shoes.

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.