Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said.

We get our morals from books. I didn't get mine from books, but I know that morals do come from books- theoretically at least.

Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.

I have learned that there lies dormant in the souls of all men a penchant for some particular musical instrument an an unsuspected yearning to play on it, which are bound to wake up an demand attention someday. Therefore you who rail at such that disturb your slumbers with unsuccessful and demoralizing attempts to subjugate a guitar, beware! For sooner or later your own time will come.

Just because you’re taught that something’s right and everyone believes it’s right, it don’t make it right.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.