Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said.

I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.

Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.

There is no such thing as an ordinary life.

I'm in favor of progress; it's change I don't like.

You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned fool.

A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.