I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.

There are two things nobody should ever have to watch being made, sausage and laws.

Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment.

But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people.

No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters. It has never been done.

There is no such thing as material covetousness. All covetousness is spiritual. ...Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment.

Life is short, break the rules.