Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey. I believe that whenever a human being, of even the highest intelligence and culture, delivers an opinion upon a matter apart from his particular and especial line of interest, training and experience, it will always be an opinion of so foolish and so valueless a sort that it can be depended upon to suggest to our Heavenly Father that the human being is another disappointment and that he is no considerable improvement upon the monkey.