If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

There isn't anything so grotesque or so incredible that the average human being can't believe it.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Modesty died when clothes were born.

When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down; it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.