....honest men are few when it comes to themselves.

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.

Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.

Learning to play two pairs is worth about as much as a college education, and about as costly.

It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.

I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault - you could not hit anything with it.

Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.