I think a compliment ought always to precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception.

Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.

Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.

To believe yourself brave is to be brave; it is the one only essential thing.

What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety.

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.