I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble.

We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

A distinguished man should be as particular about his last words as he is about his last breath. He should write them out on a slip of paper and take the judgment of his friends on them. He should never leave such a thing to the last hour of his life, and trust to an intellectual spurt at the last moment to enable him to say something smart with his latest gasp and launch into eternity with grandeur.

Many of the cemeteries are beautiful, and are kept in perfect order. When one goes from the levee or the business streets [of New Orleans] to it, to a cemetery, he observes to himself that if those people down there would live as neatly while they are alive as they do after they are dead, they would find many advantages in it; and besides, their quarter would be the wonder and admiration of the business world.

Taking the pledge will not make bad liquor good, but it will improve it.

The equator was wisely put where it is, because if it had been run through Europe all the kings would have tried to grab it.