The funniest things are the forbidden.

I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.

I told you this would happen. But, no, you had to go for the buffet, didn't you?

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.

We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.