The funniest things are the forbidden.

I like a thin book because it will Steady a Table, a leather volume because it will Strop a Razor, and a heavy book because it can be Thrown at a Cat.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Loyalty is a word which has worked vast harm; for it has been made to trick men into being "loyal" to a thousand iniquities, whereas the true loyalty should have been to themselves - in which case there would have ensured a rebellion, and the throwing off of that deceptive yoke.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

We may not doubt that society in heaven consists mainly of undesirable persons.

Honesty: The best of all the lost arts.