Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.

The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example

There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!

In religion, India is the only millionaire... the One land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for all the shows of all the rest of the globe combined.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Life was a fairy-tale, then, it is a tragedy now. When I was 43 and John Hay 41 he said life was a tragedy after 40, and I disputed it. Three years ago he asked me to testify again: I counted my graves, and there was nothing for me to say. I am old; I recognize it but I don't realize it. I wonder if a person ever really ceases to feel young - I mean, for a whole day at a time.