A sense of humor is the one thing no one will admit to not having.

Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.

Dates are hard to remember because they consist of figures; figures are monotonously unstriking in appearance, and they don't take hold, they form no pictures, and so they give the eye no chance to help. Pictures are the thing. Pictures can make dates stick.

Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?

Wisdom teaches us that none but birds should go out early, and that not even birds should do it unless they are out of worms.

There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory

The primary rule of business success is loyalty to your employer. That's all right as a theory. What is the matter with loyalty to yourself?