It takes me a long time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.

The idea that a baby doesn't amount to anything! Why, one baby is just a house and a front yard full by itself. One baby can, furnish more business than you and your whole Interior Department can attend to. He is enterprising, irrepressible, brimful of lawless activities.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?

It is a gratification to me to know that I am ignorant of art... Because people who understand art find nothing in pictures but blemishes.

It is human life. We are blown upon the world; we float buoyantly upon the summer air a little while, complacently showing off our grace of form and our dainty iridescent colors; then we vanish with a little puff, leaving nothing behind but a memory - and sometimes not even that. I suppose that at those solemn times when we wake in the deeps of the night and reflect, there is not one of us who is not willing to confess that he is really only a soap-bubble, and as little worth the making.

Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.