No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances.

Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

[Patriotism] ...is a word which always commemorates a robbery. There isn't a foot of land in the world which doesn't represent the ousting and re-ousting of a longline of successive "owners" who each in turn, as "patriots" with proud swelling hearts defended it against the next gang of "robbers" who came to steal it and did -- and became swelling-hearted patriots in their turn.

You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first.