I am a democrat only on principle, not by instinct, nobody is that. Doubtless some people say they are, but this world is grievously given to lying.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me...it's the parts that I do.

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.

A proud man is one who waits for a vacancy in the Trinity.

Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.