Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

There is no humor in heaven.

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity?

If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty.

I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.

But it is a blessed provision of nature that at times like these, as soon as a man's mercury has got down to a certain point there comes a revulsion, and he rallies. Hope springs up, and cheerfulness along with it, and then he is in good shape to do something for himself, if anything can be done.