Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.

Sufficient unto the day is one baby. As long as you are in your right mind don't you ever pray for twins. Twins amount to a permanent riot; and there ain't any real difference between triplets and a insurrection. - The Babies speech 1879

Men think they think upon the great political questions, and they do; but they think with their party, not independently; they read its literature, but not that of the other side

There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

One of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it.