We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

...fry me an optimist for breakfast.

What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.

The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.

Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.

God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.