My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

The existing phrasebooks are inadequate. They are well enough as far as they go, but when you fall down and skin your leg they don't tell you what to say.

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

It{California} is the land where the fabled Aladdin's Lamp lies buried-and she {San Francisco} is the new Aladdin who shall seize it from its obscurity and summon the genie and command him to crown her with power and greatness and bring to her feet the hoarded treasures of the earth.

Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!