It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when he came down to earth, he became the opposite... sweet, gentle merciful, forgiving. He was a thousand billion times crueler than ever he was in the Old Testament... Meek and gentle? By and by we will examine that popular sarcasm by the light of the hell which he invented.
Mark TwainWill a day come when the race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at themโand by laughing at them destroy them? For your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weaponโlaughter. Power, Money, Persuasion, Supplication, Persecution--these can lift at a colossal humbug,โpush it a littleโ crowd it a littleโweaken it a little, century by century: but only Laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of Laughter nothing can stand. - "The Chronicle of Young Satan," Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts
Mark TwainThere is no such thing as a new idea. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope.
Mark TwainFrance has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.
Mark TwainWe are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blesses facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it.
Mark TwainIf Christians should vote their duty to God at the polls, they would carry every election, and do it with ease. They would elect every clean candidate in the United States, and defeat every soiled one. Their prodigious power would be quickly realized and recognized, and afterward there would be no unclean candidates upon any ticket, and graft would cease.
Mark Twain