I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

I love to revel in philosophical matters-especially astronomy. I study astronomy more than any other foolishness there is. I am a perfect slave to it. I am at it all the time. I have got more smoked glass than clothes. I am as familiar with the stars as the comets are. I know all the facts and figures and have all the knowledge there is concerning them. I yelp astronomy like a sun-dog, and paw the constellations like Ursa Major.

Creed and opinion change with time, and their symbols perish; but Literature and its temples are sacred to all creeds and inviolate.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Just because you’re taught that something’s right and everyone believes it’s right, it don’t make it right.