I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's.

If everyone was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes.

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.

Experience of life (not of books) is the only capital usable in such a book as you have attempted; one can make no judicious use of this capital while it is new.

None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness; but we can try.

If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.