I would rather go to bed with Lillian Russell stark naked than Ulysses S Grant in full military regalia.

The best of us would rather be popular than right.

When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder.

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired.

Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant.

There is no urge so great as for one man to edit another man's work.

Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, political, or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies.