I would rather go to bed with Lillian Russell stark naked than Ulysses S Grant in full military regalia.

What marriage is to morality, a properly conducted licensed liquor traffic is to sobriety.

So much blood has been shed by the Church because of an omission from the Gospel: “Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is.” Not merely tolerant of it, but indifferent to it. Divinity is claimed for many religions; but no religion is great enough or divine enough to add that new law to its code.

It will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather together the details, and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.