We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.

The only certainties in life are death and taxes.

If you have nothing to say, say nothing.

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's.

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

The waves most washed me off the raft sometimes, but I hadn't any clothes on, and didn't mind.

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.