Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

Crowds stand around all day long and criticise that bridge, and find fault with it, and tell with unlimited frankness how it ought to have been planned, and how they would have built it had the city granted them the $14,000 it cost. It is really refreshing to hang around these and listen to them. A foreigner would come to the conclusion that all America was composed of inspired professional bridge builders.

These people´s God has shown them by a million acts that he respects none of the Bible´s statues. He breaks every one of them himself, adultery and all.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly.