I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

It is not like studying German, where you mull along, in a groping, uncertain way, for thirty years; and at last, just as you think you've got it, they spring the subjunctive on you, and there you are. No- and I see now plainly enough, that the great pity about the German language is, that you can't fall off it and hurt yourself. There is nothing like that feature to make you attend strictly to business.