...we all know that in all matters of mere opinion that [every] man is insane-just as insane as we are...we know exactly where to put our finger upon his insanity: it is where his opinion differs from ours....All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it. None but the Republicans. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?

One day man by the slow processes of evolution shall develop into something really fine and high - some billions of years hence, say.

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it's that they know so many things that just aren't so.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.