I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.

We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to men, cherimoya, was not in season. It has a soft pulp, like a pawpaw, and is eaten with a spoon.

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

It may be called the Master Passion, the hunger for self-approval.

What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval.