I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.

Next to possessing genius one's self is the power of appreciating it in others.

Take your mind out every now and then and dance on it. It is getting all caked up.

The ancients stole all our ideas from us.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he says - "Yes; the little ones does".