Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

I do not know what we should do without the pulpit. We could better spare the sun-the moon, anyway.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.

Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.

The blunting effects of slavery upon the slaveholder's moral perceptions are known and conceded the world over; and a priveleged class, an aristocracy, is but a band of slaveholders under another name.

He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.