A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

He liked to like people, therefore people liked him.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

There will never be a "perfect" time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.