First catch your Boer, then kick him.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.

Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it; it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one; These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.

Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.