We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.

The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is, those that succeeded tried.

There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.

There is nothing more frustrating than a good example.