You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?
Mark TwainCollege is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.
Mark TwainThere are two reasons why anybody buys anything. The real reason, and the reason they give you.
Mark TwainThe most outrageous lies that can be invented will find believers if a person only tells them with all his might.
Mark TwainI pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.
Mark Twain