Preachers are always pleasant company when they are off duty.

France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France.

Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.

My first American ancestor, gentlemen, was an Indian-an early Indian. Your ancestors skinned him alive, and I am an orphan. All those Salem witches were ancestors of mine. Your people made it tropical for them. . . . The first slave brought into New England out of Africa was an ancestor of mine-for I am a mixed breed, an infinitely shaded and exquisite Mongrel.

I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

It is curious and interesting to notice what an attraction a fussy, mincing, nickel-plated word has for you.