I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: "Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?

To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.