I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault - you could not hit anything with it.

There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory

Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.

In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.

Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.

It is higher and nobler to be kind.