Demagogue--a vessel containing beer and other liquids.

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

... the English alphabet is pure insanity..., It can hardly spell any word in the language with any degree of certainty.

We are all ignorant; just about different things.

I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases

Some of us cannot be optimists, but all of us can be bigamists