It is not best to use our morals weekdays, it gets them out of repair for Sunday.

The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.

A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment, anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.

Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted.

I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.