The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

The most successful people are those who do all year long what they would otherwise do on their summer vacation.

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe... the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press down here.

In America, we hurry-which is well; but when the day's work is done, we go on thinking of losses and gains, we plan for the morrow, we even carry our business cares to bed with us...we burn up our energies with these excitements, and either die early or drop into a lean and mean old age at a time of life which they call a man's prime in Europe...What a robust people, what a nation of thinkers we might be, if we would only lay ourselves on the shelf occasionally and renew our edges!

I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.