None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness; but we can try.

I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

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The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next.