There isn't anything so grotesque or so incredible that the average human being can't believe it.

So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.

Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain.

In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man

As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that bad, how come I'm so wonderful'

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.