Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

There is nothing more frustrating than a good example.

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.

It is a shameful thing to insult a child.

I would much prefer to suffer from the clean incision of an honest lancet than from a sweetened poison.