A country without a patent office and good patent laws is just a crab, and can't travel any way but sideways and backways.

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

What's the use you learning to do right , when it's troublesome to do right and it ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same?

We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the human race.

There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage.

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

You can't keep a juvenile moral institution alive on two displays of its sash per year.