I wish to become rich, so that I can instruct the people and glorify honest poverty a little, like those kind hearted, fat, benevolent people do.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!

My memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.

Chastity - you can carry it too far.

I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.