If we become skilled in giving ourselves empathy, we often experience in just a few seconds a natural release of energy which then enables us to be present with the other person. If this fails to happen, however, we have a couple of other choices.

Use the words "I feel because I" to remind us that what we feel it isn't because of what the other person did, but because of a choice I've made.

Nonviolent Communication shows us a way of being very honest, but without any criticism, without any insults, without any put-downs, without any intellectual diagnosis implying wrongness.

The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.

When we are angry, killing people is too superficial.

If we wish to express anger fully, the first step is to divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.

Every message, regardless of form or content, is an expression of a need.